While the battle rages over digital piracy and all the cool kids are sharing shiny high-definition copies of their favourite digital files, spare a thought for the poor downtrodden bootleggers of meatspace. Not only do they have to go to the trouble of actually making stuff, they then have to devise a clever way of convincing the world that what they’ve come up with is something else entirely… something that you might actually want.
So, in no particular order- because let’s face it, how could you possibly impose any sort of order on this kind of capitalist mayhem- here are some of the best worst knock-off toys.
Sense Of Right Alliance
Life in the Avengers is not all it’s cracked up to be, you know. And in these tough global economic times more and more superheroes are being forced to moonlight in other teams just to make ends meet.
With a motto as catchy as, Let’s fence against the earth! it’s easy to see why so many of the world’s finest are defecting to the Sense Of Right Alliance.
Let’s take a quick roll call. From left to right we’ve got: Batman, Spiderman, Superman… without a cape, the yellow Power Ranger, The Thing and Reed Richards… with ginger hair.
Despite what you may think, fencing against the earth is no small task- and that’s why the Sense Of Right Alliance have to have their backs covered at all times. At a moment’s notice they can switch things up- the blue Power Ranger takes over from his yellow friend, Batman changes his costume and Superman gets his cape. Oh, and then Reed Richards turns into a blue car and they draft in Shrek to replace The Thing.
You might not know this, but after getting into trouble with the local neighbourhood watch for causing a bit of a kerfuffle on Elm Street, Freddy Krueger went to ground and took on a new identity. After cunningly changing his name to Nightmare Feddy he made the radical move of throwing away his hat and changing his jumper for another one with slightly different coloured stripes.
I don’t know who Batman thinks he is. I tell you, he’s going to get a run for his money when he comes up against the Power Mans. They’ve nicked all of his spare suits for a start. And dressed like some sort of futuristic psycho boy band, they’re ready to unleash their invincible troop warfare.
Strictly speaking this guy shouldn’t be on the list. Why? Well this isn’t actually a knock-off- it’s really more of a hilarious cultural glitch. But how can we possibly overlook a giant super-real galvion mech robot called Breast Chaser? When the robot uprising finally happens, ladies don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Overlord Leaves His Wife
I know you’ll find this hard to believe but Overlord has left his wife. Recreate the drama with this on-line to hitting vivid game.
It’s a little known fact that if Clark Kent tries to turn into Superman in the southern hemisphere things often go a bit wrong and he turns into Specialman instead.
Mouse And Friends
The thing is, this mouse doesn’t look like he’s got that many friends. He looks like he ate them all.
Robert Cop 3
You’re looking for an elite police unit for the 21st century. So you take a cop… and then you take a Robert. You fuse them together and you come up with Robert Cop. Part cop, part Robert- that’s the the ultimate crime-fighter right there.
The Transmogrifiers once ruled the entire galaxy. You probably haven’t heard of them though. That’s because they got the shit kicked out of them by the Transformers for being bright orange and having stupid names like Starholler.
You know who Bruce Banner turns into when he gets angry? That’s right, The Hulk. Do you know who The Hulk turns into when he gets angry? Power, that’s who. You know- the superior powered thunderbolt overlord top king.
This masterpiece of insanity is a knock-off of a Mothra larva from the Godzilla films. It’s full title appears to be Variable Uncanny Embryo Horrible with the strapline Creep In Dark. But just in case that wasn’t enough there’s an Alien slapped onto the front of the box just for good measure.
Ninja Hero Rider
How could you possibly improve on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? I suppose giving them eye-patches and putting them on horseback was at least worth a try.
Mild mannered British kids TV show favourite Thomas The Tank Engine has been harbouring a dark secret all of these years. That’s right, you spell his name the German way. Oh, and he’s also a massive super robot in disguise.
Awoke From The Nightmare
Actually, I think the nightmare is only just beginning.
The Series Transformation details a total of four horrendous possibilities.
Yeah, this guy seems to be the root of the problem.
Back in the old days, when men were men and women were women, transformable robots turned into doomed luxury cruise liners.
Note that the packet boasts WITH SAILING ACTION yet makes no mention of any sort of realistic crashing and sinking action.
Probably Breast Chaser’s great grandfather.